


What We Must Do For Others

by Elthadriel



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Holiday Fic Exchange, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3155378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elthadriel/pseuds/Elthadriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard can only be grateful that Thane is there when she realises she's going to die for a second time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Must Do For Others

**Author's Note:**

> Holiday Harbinger Christmas Gift for izzythecyborg on tumblr. 
> 
> I hope you like it xx

Shepard was hit with an odd moment of realisation.

For a second everything slowed downed and she saw with perfect clarity what she had to do and how it would end. There was no doubt in her mind that she was going to die and in that moment she wasn’t afraid of what that would mean. She couldn’t remember the terror she had felt that last time she had died and this time could accept her fate with calm determination.

She might not like it, but this is what she had to do.

It was Joker that ripped that calm away from her, with a simple crackling of her com in her ear. She felt an illogical spike of anger jolt through her, but it faded before she even really registered it. 

“Commander?” He asked a hint of panic in his voice. In the background she could just make out the raised voices of the other members of her crew in the background. She felt herself start to panic and she slammed her closed fist down on the armrest, not even aware enough to hope Joker didn’t hear. She dug her fingers into her palm wishing she wasn’t wearing her combat gloves so she could have dug her nails into her palm.

Dozens of justifications of why she couldn’t stay leapt unbidden to the front of her mind and she tried to fight and embrace the convincingness of them with equal measure. She was Commander Shepard, people needed her. She couldn’t die saving a handful of civilians when her death could very well lead to the end of the galaxy. She had died already, it wasn’t fair that she had to do it again. She wasn’t ready to leave Thane.

She shoved down her rebellious thoughts, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

“I’m here, Joker.” She said, dragging the seat she was in closer to the control panel resting her shaking hands on it.

“Commander, you have to get out of there, the filter’s damaged, you’re going to run out of air.”

“I know,” She could only be grateful her voice remained steady.

There was a moment of silence over the radio that seemed to last an age to her. She could hear her blood pounding in her ears and when Joker finally broke the silence it was all she could do to stop herself letting out an audible gasp of relief.

“If you know, why aren’t you moving?” He phrased it as a question but the slight crack at the end made it clear he knew exactly what she intended to do.

“Everything’s shutting down, Joker, that includes all the automatic controls. I need to do it manually from here or civilians will never get off the base before it melts down.” Saying it out loud made it better she found. She started typing on the console, imputing the commands to keep the parts of the station operational until everyone was out. As power started to give in certain areas she had to reroute again and again to keep everything stable.

“We can send people to you,” Joker said, growing frantic, “people with oxygen, just hold on.”

Shepard shook her head as she answered, “Who, Joker? Thane’s too far away and we lost contact with Garrus and Tali when they went under the base, there’s no one near enough.”

Joker had nothing to say to that.

“Joker, I have to go, I need to speak to the others. Look after my ship for me.” She tried to sound lighthearted but missed it enough to just sound morbid.

“Commander,” he said the word somehow both pleading and a goodbye.

She reached up to her com, tapping it and reaching out to the other members of her team who had come down to the planet with her.

“Thane, are you there?” She said to the empty room, hands freezing above the console in the silence that followed.

“Thane?” She tried again, voice cracking as she finally lost the battle with her self control and a tears spilled from her eyes, trailing down her face and dripping onto the console in front of her.

“Siha.”

She almost sobbed in relief.

“Thane.” She said, grateful in a way she couldn’t explain to hear his voice.

“What’s the--”

“The station’s shutting down, I have to stay but there’s no air,” She took a deep breath in preparation for what she was about to say. “I’m not going to get out; I’m going to die.”

Thane was silent.

“Please,” She begged when she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “Please keep talking.”

“I…” Thane started but stopped, taking a shaky breath. “You’re sure there’s no way out?”

“Not unless you can get to my side of the base in the next few minutes? I had to seal the doors to stop the air in here escaping; if I open them I’m dead unless someone is waiting with an oxygen tank.”

There was a second of silence again before Thane forced himself to talk. “Are the civilians out?”

She looked at their little dots of heat on her map of the building, “They will be in just a moment. You should head over that way to meet up with them while they wait for the Normandy to send people to pick them up.”

The forced casualness was painful but still preferable to the silence. Besides, this way she could pretend that Thane didn’t sound like he was crying.

Thane let out a pained laugh. “I can’t think of a single thing to say,” he admitted.

“Me neither,” She let out a slightly hysterical giggle.

“How are you feeling?” He asked gently.

She was silent a few moments trying to find the words.

“I’m sorry,” He said, hurriedly, “That was a foolish question.”

I’m scared.” She admitted, “And I really don’t want to leave you. We only just met.”

“I…” Thane paused, cutting off what he was about to say to take a steadying breath and that alone almost broke Shepard’s resolve. “I feel the same.”

Shepard, despite herself smiled, a strange warmth filling her.

Breathing was becoming harder.

“I don’t want to die again, I was so alone and so scared. I don’t’ want to die like that again.” She said starting to panic again, trying and failing to control her breathing, knowing panting would only use up her air faster.

“I’m here with you,” Thane said and if she closed her eyes she could almost picture him next to her, “You aren’t alone this time.”

Her eyes sight was narrowing, darkness filling up

“Thane,” She mumbled, “I’m glad I met you.”

She watched the little lights of the civilians on her screen leave the station and leant back in her seat.

“So am I, Siha.”

“You never did tell me what that meant.”

Everything slipped away.

\---

Shepard had dreams sometimes about being in the Cerberus facility with Miranda leaning over her, talking about things she couldn’t understand, about her brain regeneration and her organs and the word Lazarus being repeated over and over. When she woke from such dreams it was always accompanied with a horrible disorientation and a sense of panic seemingly without a source.

She couldn’t tell if they were memories or just something her mind had patched together from what she knew had happened.

It was different this time. Miranda was there but she didn’t sound in control but concerned and afraid. There other people too, ones who couldn’t be there, hadn’t been there but she allowed it to pass without too much scrutiny; she was glad her friends were there for her.

Someone kept saying her name over and over.

Sometimes that person called her Siha.

\---

It took Shepard a moment to recognise the Med-Bay ceiling and longer to remember why she was there. She looked away from the ceiling to scan the room which was empty except for one figure sitting hunched in the chair next to her bed.

Thane’s hands where wrapped tightly around an empty mug but he stared at its bottom like it might provide him with all the secrets of the universe.

“Hey, she said, surprised to find her voice raw and she broke into a rough coughing fit.

Thane jerked his head up, pressing a bottle of water against her mouth almost before she realised what was happening but she swallowed it gratefully.

“You saved me,” She said, reaching out to take one of his hands, grateful when he met her half way; her body was heavier than she expected.

“Garrus and Tali saved you,” Thane corrected, “They came out from underground near you barely a minute after you passed out. They made it to you in time. I believe Garrus is making a list of suitable things for you to do to pay off the debt as we speak.

She laughed, summoning the energy to shift onto her side to look at Thane more easily. It was harder than she expected and she grunted slightly as she moved. Thane reached out to help but his hands hovered helplessly above her.

“I’m okay,” She waved him off, resettling in the bed and taking his hand back, squeezing it reassuringly though it was in part comfort to her. She had been so sure she was going to die again it was hard to take everything in. Thane, solid and real under her hands was helping.

“How long was I out for?”

“Only a few hours,” He said, “but it felt like longer.”

Shepard nodded, knowing from experience what waiting for an injured team mate to wake up could feel like.

“Did everyone make it out okay?” She asked.

“Every one of the workers on the station made it out alive thanks to you.”

“Good.”

The fell into a comfortable silence. It was strange how it had bothered her so much before but now she would have happily sat quietly with Thane’s hands in hers for hours.

“I’m supposed to call Dr Chakwas when you woke up,” Thane said breaking the silence but making no move either to stand to go get her or to call to someone else to.

“Worried about possible brain damage from lack of oxygen?”

Thane nodded.

“That’s easily fixed. My name is Abraham Lincoln, I was born four-score and seven years ago in 1809 in Kentucky.” She gave Thane a lopsided smile.

Thane blinked at her clearly not understanding the reference but smiled anyway, just a little. Shepard wondered if anyone other than her would notice.

“Sorry, he was this guy back on earth, really famous. He was president of the US for a while; I did a project on him when I was nine.”

She smiled faintly at the memory.

“But really, I’m fine, tired but fine,” She reassured him, “We can put off calling the doctor for a little while.”

“I’m glad,” He placed his other hand over theirs, running his thumb across her knuckles.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” She said, looking down at their hands, “I shouldn’t have lost control of my emotions like that.”

“You almost died,” He said gently, but she didn’t miss the slight strain to his voice, “you shouldn’t have had to worry about me.”

She reached up and caught the back of his neck, pulling him down to press her lips against his. They were cool but softer than she expected and after he recovered from his surprise he kissed back with more unreserved enthusiasm that she had imagined.

They remained there for a while, lips still achingly close, her nose brushing his, fingers still tangled together between them.

“Thank you,” She murmured, breathe warming his skin, “for being there. I couldn’t have done without you.”

“You’re stronger than you think you are,” He said.

“So are you,” She countered.

He closed the gap between them again and kissed her more firmly and she parted her mouth against his, feeling the coolness of his breath in her mouth.

“I should get the doctor.” He said when he pulled away, this time retreating all the way to his seat.

Shepard sighed and released his hands

“But you’ll come back?” She asked casually but she felt that he understood how much she needed him there.

“Of course, Siha.” He stood, and walked quickly from the room.

She half pushed herself up just as he disappeared from sight. “You still need to tell me what means!” She called after him.

When he didn’t reply she huffed a laugh and flopped back into the bed, worming her way into the warmth of the med-bay bed. He could tell her later; they had time.


End file.
